All the single ladies

1. "There's plenty of fish in the sea" - Yea, there's millions. But, I don't want a fish! I want a man, with a loving, fun, caring personality and a nice penis. Seriously, that's not much to ask for.
2. "The right one is just around the corner" - Wow, well I must be blind, or he's under some rubble and concrete waiting to be made in to a freakin road.
3. "You're too picky" - No, it wasn't because of his comb over or need to shake Ted Bundy's hand that I released this "catch" into the wild....
4. "You don't need a man to be happy" - Yes, hell yes, I do. I mean sure, I'm happy without, duh. My friends, family and work make me happier than ever. But, it is human nature to want monogamy. We are built that way. It is human freakin nature to want a partner.
5. "It will come when you least expect it" - Fuck, I never expect it. And I'm sorry, but after the shit I've put up with I want to be ready.
6. Enough with the "constructive criticism". We live in a world of stunning technological advancement, but it remains physically impossible to wear your heart on your sleeve and be emotionally distant, dress like a slut and a librarian, try much too hard and not make any real effort.
7. Being single shouldn't define me. It doesn't. So, can you stop. Please stop asking me if I "have a boyfriend yet".
8. It would be nice if everyone stopped looking at me like 'aw, single sara, i wonder if she has a boyfriend'. You do! You all do! All the time! It'll be fairly obvious when I do. I'll tell you. Until then, I will continue to be awesome Sara on my own.
9. I am never going to change myself just to be in a "happy relationship" so...
10. "You need to relax a bit" ?? - So should I compromise my strong personality because he finds it intimidating? If he thinks I'm high maintenance, then maybe I am. He gets me as I am or he doesn't get me at all.
11. "Ooh, how's your biological clock ticking?" - Whether you want to have children or not, this statement (in whatever way it comes) is offensive. If we want babies, it's going to hurt. If we don't, yet love children, we are going to get defensive. We are single, that's enough without mentioning the fact that having children without men is hard.
12. No, I don't want to be placed center front desperately waiting for the brides bouquet to fly into my hands. Thank you, but no. I'd rather be sipping champagne and dancing.
13. "There's one for you Sara!" - No. No it's not. Being single does not equal desperate.
14. "I don't understand where you're going wrong" - I'm not!!! These FOOLS just seem to be attracted to my gorgeous self. End of story.
15. Oh, I forgot the best one "You need to put yourself out there more" - Okay, I'll put my best dress on and see you on the corner of Vivian and Marion in 2 hours. .
16. Dirty Dancing has the best "sex scene" ever.
17. I want romance.
18. I want electric kisses.
19. I want fireworks.
20. Seriously. I want sexy Sundays.

P.s This was written after 2 full circles at The Food Show which I left with a bottle of gin and two coffee beers.